A very different birth experience..

My little boy will be 2 next week!

I was pregnant with him during the outbreak of Covid 19 and it was a very uncertain time for everyone. I had promised myself I would do things differently second time around to prepare for a more positive birth experience but suddenly there were now extra challenges I hadn’t anticipated!

Any notion of really immersing myself in a self care regime like going to the gym, swimming, reformer pilates, regular treatments and pacing as far as possible outside of work and family life, were put aside as we all found ourselves locked up at home for weeks / months on end!

I juggled my three year old at home during the day and pivoted my women’s pelvic health service online in the evenings and weekends. It was a case of ‘surviving not thriving’ but deeply trusting myself that I would respect my body and growing baby and ensure that with each maternity appointment, I would come away feeling heard.

But I had major mindset work to do and it was in the planning of my online pilates classes, that I had to routinely show up on the mat, move my body and focus my mind. I repeated birth affirmations, played music, visualised the birth I wanted and practiced how I wanted to feel during maternity appointments, labour and when the baby was born.

It wasn’t easy doing this! I remember feeling exhausted from the days of entertaining my daughter and juggling work - but I knew the feeling of regret of not doing the work was going to be much worse than in the present moment of resistance!

The appointments didn’t always turn out the way I’d imagined but the difference now was that I could control my emotional reaction to it - if I felt panicked or I was being a ‘nuisance’, I could centre myself and ask the questions.

I was 39 weeks when I decided to change my care to a different trust as there were whispers I may not be able to have a birth partner present at any stage of labour due to covid staff shortages. I could have just played ‘wait and see’ but I knew I had to take a leap of faith and go for it!

The next appointment 3 days later was a game changer..the paperwork was sorted for the transfer and after a thorough discussion about my options, I consented for a sweep. I was not willing to have any other form of induction and if I reached my limit of ‘term’ with having had a section before, I would happily have an elective section this time…but things were to be different!

I drove home from that appointment feeling on top of the world! It felt so good to have respected my intuition and followed through. Even if I did have another c section, I really wouldn’t have minded! I was just so thrilled with myself that I was following the nudges and making my own decisions.

I rang Paul and told him what the new plan was. After a delayed silence on the phone, he came around to the idea and we planned to go on a practice run to the hospital the next day.

Let’s just say the practice run turned into the real deal! Luckily I had my maternity notes and packed bag in the car. On the journey, I was having deep sensations in my lower back which were initially 8 minutes apart and then 5 minutes…

As I had not experienced contractions before, I was unsure about was truly happening. We stopped at a restaurant but as soon as I sat down, I knew I had to leave and go straight to the hospital! I called my mum to come and collect Ada, meanwhile Paul had to sit in the car park for hours whilst I was being monitored by staff.

He was allowed to be with me during visiting time - 7- 8pm and it was then I could get into a warm bath and relax for a bit with the playlist on. I thought I would have really enjoyed that but quite the opposite! I felt very agitated, got out of the bath and turned the music off. I just wanted silence and to be mobile - I remember thinking that I didn’t even want Paul looking at me but at the same time, I was glad of his presence there. I didn’t judge or stress at my changing wishes; I just kept bringing myself back to the moment, silently repeating affirmations and focusing on my breath.

I was brought to the delivery suite around 8pm and at this stage all I wanted to do was lie on my side and suck on the gas and air. I think there was dance music playing on the radio (it was Saturday night!) but I couldn’t muster the energy to ask them to turn it off! Paul routinely offered me water and energy drinks using a straw (best idea!), and the midwife Chloe was great - she supported me throughout.

Labour progressed and by 10pm, I birthed my wee boy - I had a VBAC! I was so relieved it was over and he was here safe and well. I felt proud of myself that I had done it - not the vaginal birth as such but more so the knowing I had stuck to my word - that really boosted my self confidence!

I required some stitches and after a period of rest, holding and breast-feeding Rowan, I was able to manoeuvre myself from the bed, stand up, go take a bath and afterwards, push my baby in his cot to the postnatal ward. I was thrilled with that but it was bittersweet as Paul had to leave due to covid policy.

When I got settled in the room, I have a vivid memory of looking at my wee baba in his snow white babygro and wee yellow knitted hat. The joy I felt then was incredible - almost too much to feel at once. A relief that I had got to this stage during a pandemic but only now really allowing myself to feel it all.

It was 100% worth it all! I am glad I had to face those hurdles. Like last time, it has taught me lessons that I can apply to my personal and professional life.

So when I celebrate his birthday on 5th September, I will remember again how I advocated for myself and in sharing this story, I hope it inspires you to do the same.